At breaking point

At the weekend I took part at Ride Chartridge which is a 45 k or 100 k bike ride through the beautiful Chiltern countryside. This was my first ever bike event and as I am doing a fair bit of running I was debating entering the 100 k ride. Riding and running uses the same muscles anyway, right? Well I am so glad I decided to go for the 45 k ride as this bike ride proper broke me. I only have a mountain bike with very knobbly tires and wasn’t aware how much harder it is riding a mountain bike on a road compared to a road bike. Oh and did I mention the rolling hills of the Chilterns??? And that I have hardly done any cycling in the last few years?

On Sunday, the day of the event, I woke up to rain lashing against the window and very strong winds. I had to cycle 10 k to get to the event but luckily it stopped raining when I was half way there. I was quite tired just from cycling the 10 k and was so very nervous of what was to come. I registered, attached my bike number to my bike and off I went after a short brief. As it was a staggered start there was no waiting around and no mass start. I loved it. They should introduce that at running events as well!

My bike and number

Two minutes down the road I took my first wrong turn. It was very stupid of me and luckily I noticed straight away. The first section was downhill but lasted only 5 minutes. From then on the road was quite rough and it was hard work. And it was only the start! We made our way towards Aldbury crossing the canal. From Aldbury we took the road up to Ashridge which was very steep and winding but I am so proud I didn’t get off my bike and push! I really, really wanted to. You could have walked quicker then I was cycling! There was a photographer at the top which I thought was a bit mean. Catching you at the worst moment. We then made our way along the main road through Ashridge round Ivinghoe, past the Ridgeway and back to Aldbury passing a beautiful forest carpeted in bluebells. 

The beautiful bluebells of Ashridge

The Ridgeway on a sunny day

Coming down the Ridgeway the wind was very strong and even though it was a downhill section I still had to pedal. After passing through Aldbury and crossing back over the canal that’s when the going got really though. There just seemed one hill after the other and even relative flat section seemed to be so hard! Every pedal stroke took so much effort! I had to constantly tell myself ‘I can do this’, ‘You’re doing great’, ‘As long as your moving forward you’re fine’! And then I got lost. I followed some cyclist who weren’t part of the ride! And I didn’t notice for quite a while! That added another 5 k. I retraced my steps but a little while later I had a little break-down..mentally not mechanically. I was so done. Physically tired of cycling and mentally tired of keeping me going. I got off my bike and ate a cereal bar trying to hold back my tears. I just couldn’t understand why cycling 50 k was so hard! On the day before this event some lovely runners from Twitter cycled 60 miles from London to Brighton. Why was cycling 50 k so hard!!!! I got back on to my bike and luckily not long after that got to the finish. 3 hours and 16 minutes after l started. I was broken. I found a grassy spot to drop my bike and sat down.  I was about to burst into tears. This was so hard. So much harder than any run I have ever done. Even the marathon. I was sitting there fighting back my tears. However discovering a medal in the goody bag cheered me up as it didn't mention it on the event website. I love medals! Unfortunately I still had to cycle 10 k back home up a massive hill but couldn’t wait to get home to a warm flat. I was freezing.

A medal!

For days afterwards I have been wondering why this ride was so hard for me. Yes it was hilly, yes it was windy but why took it so much out of me. I have run nearly as far as that!

I think part of it was that I put myself under pressure that I SHOULD be going faster. I believed that going as slow as I was made me weak and unfit. Especially with my running background I thought I should be able to do this ride easily. It’s kind of sad that this self-imposed pressure brought me to the brink of breaking out into tears.

I also clearly under-estimated how hard it will be. They were handing out gels at the start and I was thinking who needs gels on a bike ride. Cycling through hilly terrain is hard and shouldn’t be under-estimated. I learned that one.

I will probably never quite understand why this ride took so much out of me. But I do know that every hard ride/run will make me stronger in the long run. I am taking part in these endurance events to test out my limits and to push them further. Events like this will make my physically and mentally a stronger person. Only by pushing your limits do you grow as a person!

Looking at the positives: I did finish. I could have easily taken a short cut and cycled home. Also I have tried something new. I wanted to take part in a cycling event for a while and I had the confidence to do it. Additionally the mental strength I have gained through this event will hopefully help me during the darker times of the ultra-marathons which I am planning to run soon.

I am not going to let this event break me. It was the most challenging event I have ever taken part in but I will get back on this bike, buy some slick tires for my MTB and have already spotted a bike event in July I would like to take part in. Practice will make you stronger, right?